pitter patter smiles
by starlee
Summary: sokai;-- in her diary, his smile still lingers.


Emily Dickinson owns 'I'm nobody, who are you?'  
Nomura owns Kingdom Hearts.  
I own this… randomness. O.O Plus the strange lyrics... heh. :P

'tis a Sokai One-Shot, could become a Two-Shot, I'm not too sure.  
Eh… not much else to say… oh, um, yeah.

**E**njo**y**.

**

* * *

**

**P**_itter_** P**_atter_** S**_miles_**.**

**"Her diary of smiles.  
**_It meant everything to her.  
She wrote whilst in tears...  
and the pages transformed her despair...  
_**into something dear."**

_"My mind is not such a beautiful place...  
My fantasies you will want to replace..."_

**"Writing the soundtrack of your life,  
**_Telling the story of a strife,  
_**Did you know?  
**_Yes, you know..."_

**"Judged by her cover.  
**_But no one bothered to turn the pages.  
_**No one bothered to _know _her."**

"_Kairi_!"

**Her Mummy.  
**_She was calling out to her.  
__With that fake sweetness in her voice.  
__Something she put on in the presence of the other adults.  
_**But not without them.**

"_You're nothing_!_ You're nobody_!"

**The little girl, she wonders…  
****What did she do?**

"_Come here now_!"

**She always obeys.  
**_Her Mummy's screams.  
__They make her cry.  
_**They make her cringe.**

**Mummy doesn't know that she can't sleep.  
**_She sits on her windowsill during the night.  
__Her Teddy clutched tightly to her chest.  
__She watches the families on the streets.  
__Longing.  
_**Wishing**.  
_Crying_…  
**Wondering.**

_**Why can't I have someone like that?  
**_Someone who laughs with me.  
Someone who smiles at me.  
Someone who I can enjoy being with…  
And without this someone, this city… it's empty.  
I'm empty.  
_**Everything's empty**__._

**What is emptiness?  
**Absence.  
Nothing.  
**Nobodies.**

--x-x--

_**1**__**st**__** January.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
I never really understood why people put 'Dear Diary'.  
It's not like they're talking to anyone but their future selves.  
But I don't really know if I want to remember my life right now.  
I don't like it.  
I never will.  
Won't it be painful to remember myself?  
Was there any point in Miss Tilley buying me a diary?  
Probably not. She knows I like to write though.  
I can hear Mummy shouting for me. She doesn't know I have a diary.  
If I go down now, I'll only get a smack. I'll keep you safe.  
I'd better go.  
Bye, future self.

_**2**__**nd**__** January.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
I met someone today.  
I meet a lot of people everyday.  
But this one spoke to me.  
"_Hello_."  
I ran away from him.  
I was scared.  
Strangers don't talk to me. I don't talk to them.  
So why did he?  
I'm still scared.  
Why did he talk to me, future self?

_**3**__**rd**__** January.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
I saw him again.  
He was at the same place.  
Park. Tree. Grass.  
Him.  
He spoke again.  
"_I'm sorry_."  
I looked at him. I was surprised that he apologized.  
He smiled and said no more.  
I was glad of that. I liked that smile. No one but Miss Tilley smiles at me. But this time it didn't scare me.  
We sat in silence for a long time. This time I didn't run.  
I liked that too.  
His presence was nice. Even though I didn't smile or talk back to him.  
See you, future self.

_**4**__**th**__** January.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
He wasn't there today.  
I sat alone instead. But it didn't feel right anymore.  
I wanted his presence. I liked it.  
I was sad. So I drew a picture of him, even though I can't draw.  
I stared at that picture for a long time.  
Mummy hurt me when I came home. Daddy wasn't there. She only hurts me like she did today when he isn't.  
Mummy doesn't like it when I don't tell her why I go to the park everyday.  
I hid my picture from her.  
I was a very naughty girl. But she would stop me going if she knew about the boy.  
Santa didn't bring me any presents at Christmas anyway. And he won't this year either. I'm a bad girl.  
It's still cold even now.  
I don't like winter, future self.

_**5**__**th**__** January.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
School started again today.  
We wrote and drew a lot of things.  
Miss Tilley said my picture of the boy was good. She liked the brown on his hair and the blue on his eyes.  
I liked the smile I put on it. It's what I remember about him best.  
Miss Tilley asked if I was using my diary. She liked it when I said I did.  
Miss Tilley says I'm a good girl.  
I don't know if that's true or not. But I smiled anyway.  
I didn't see the boy in school. Maybe he's in a different one.  
Next time I see him I'll smile back.  
Bye, future self.

_**6**__**th**__** January.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
At school Miss Tilley asked me if she could put my drawing up on display.  
I said no. I wanted to keep my drawing. I wanted to keep his smile.  
She smiled at me and said nothing else.  
I was glad that she didn't force me like Mummy.  
Daddy said he was leaving when I got home. Mummy was crying. I didn't understand why he was leaving. He didn't need to go to work.  
I didn't have anything to eat for my tea that night. Mummy says I'm bad and Daddy left because of me and I need to be 'punished'.  
I don't like being punished. It makes me hungry, future self.

_**7**__**th**__** January.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
Mummy didn't make give me any food for me to eat at school today.  
She didn't get me any tea either.  
Daddy hasn't come back home.  
Mummy hit me when I asked her for food. She told me to go away.  
I want food, future self.

_**11**__**th**__** January.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
I haven't seen Daddy since he said he was leaving. I don't think he's coming back.  
I didn't see Daddy a lot anyway. He didn't talk to me very much.  
Today I took some food from somewhere without asking for it.  
Everyone says doing that makes me a bad girl.  
It's like they don't know I already am.  
I'm still hungry.

_**12**__**th**__** January.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
My head feels funny.  
It's like everything is spinning around me.  
Miss Tilley asked me if I was okay. I said I was. She didn't believe me.  
I know she didn't because she didn't smile.  
I still haven't had any food. I drink a lot.  
I want to lie down and never get back up.

_**13th January.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
I went to the park after school today.  
I ran away from Mrs Jenkins when she came to take me home.  
Mummy pays her to do this to make sure I don't go anywhere other than school and home.  
Mrs Jenkins will tell her. Mummy will hurt me a lot when I get home.  
I sat by the tree by my self and waited for something.  
He came. He sat down next to me and looked at me.  
I smiled at him.  
It was hard but I talked to him as well.  
"_Hello._"  
He smiled. I said something else. I wanted him to keep smiling, and when I spoke he smiled.  
"_I'm Nobody. Who are you_?"  
He stopped smiling. I didn't like that.  
"_Nobody_?" He said to me.  
"_Yeah, are you Nobody too_?"  
He just kept on looking at me. He finally spoke again.  
"_I think so…_"  
"_Then there's a pair of us!_" I was happy. If he was Nobody as well then I was okay with being one. "_Don't tell, they'd 'banish' us, you know._"  
"_What gives you that idea_?"  
"_Mummy says they would, people don't like Nobodies._"  
"_Why not_?"  
"_She said Nobodies are very bad people. But I don't think you're a bad person… are you sure you're Nobody_?"  
"_Yes,_" He said in a quiet voice. "_I'm Nobody_."  
I didn't say anything else. A family had just sat down nearby with a lot of food on a mat.  
He was silent too for a while.  
"_Are you hungry_?" He asked me finally. I think he saw me staring at the family with food.  
"_Yes._"  
He smiled again. "_Come with me_."  
I went with him. He brought me some food.  
I don't know where he got it from or anything. But I ate and was happy again.  
I like him, future self.

_**12**__**th**__** February.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm sorry.  
I didn't abandon you or anything. Mummy found you, and took you away.  
Sora found you. You look different, but it's you.  
Sora is the boy I told you about. His name means sky, I looked it up. I like that.  
I like the sky. I like Sora.  
He's my only friend.  
He's the one who keeps me alive. He brings me food.  
Mummy doesn't seem to notice that I'm still here even though she hasn't fed me for a long time.  
She sleeps a lot. And there are lots of bottles around the house.  
I'm beginning to think she doesn't want to be alive. She acts dead most of the time.  
She's acting dead now.  
Is something wrong with her, future self?

_**13**__**th**__** February.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
They took Mummy away today.  
They told me she was very very ill.  
I don't even know who They are. People. White coats. Clipboards.  
Big Building.  
I was told to wait in a room with lots of strangers.  
I curled up in a corner and cried. Strangers talked to me. I cried even harder.  
I wanted them to stop talking to me. I wanted them to go away.  
I wanted Mummy.  
I've been here for a while now. It's late. I can't sleep.  
I'm alone.  
I think I should try and sleep.  
Goodnight, future self.

_**14**__**th**__** February.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
I'm bored. I have nothing to do.  
Nothing's changed. I'm still in that room.  
The strangers are back. They ask me things. I keep silent.  
A person in a white coat with a clipboard just came in.  
I wonder what she wants.  
She told me that Mummy has gone to sleep.  
She told me that Mummy will never wake up.  
She told me I'm going to live in a nice house with other nice children, is that okay?  
No. No it's not okay.  
But I don't think I have a choice.  
They took me there today. I'm there now.  
In my bedroom I have another girl sleeping with me in it.  
She's pretty. She has brown hair and green eyes. She's sleeping now.  
It reminds me of Mummy. I want Mummy back. Will she come for me?  
I haven't been anywhere other than my bedroom.  
I wonder what the other children are like.  
It's lights out now. I'll write for you tomorrow, future self.

_**15**__**th**__** February.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
I had a surprise today.  
It was a familiar voice that spoke to me. I was in the den drawing.  
"_Hello, Chief._"  
There's only one person that called me 'Chief'. Sora.  
He was here. In the Orfanig. Whoops, I mean Orphanage.  
Why was he here?  
"_Coach_!" I said loudly and hugged him. He laughed.  
Sora laughs and smiles a lot. I understand now that he laughs with me.  
Not at me.  
I asked him, "_What are you doing here_?"  
"_I live here._" He gave me a funny look. "_I could ask you the same thing_."  
"_I live here too_!" I said, happy now. He lived here! "_Mummy has gone to sleep and they think she won't ever wake up._"  
"_I'm sorry._" He said quietly with a funny expression I hadn't seen before. I was confused. I thought he'd be happy too that I lived here.  
"_What are you sorry about_? _They're wrong anyway; she'll come for me tomorrow. I can wait that long now._"  
"_You… you really believe she'll wake up and come for you_?"  
"_Of course_!" He looked at me for a very long time.  
"_You know, Chief, sometimes… sometimes I envy you_…"  
"_Envy_?" What did that mean?  
He smiled at me. "_You'll know one day. It's good to believe in things, Chief, I just…_" He shook his head. Still smiling.  
"_Never mind._" He said. "_Come on… I want to show you something._" And he grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet.  
He saw my picture.  
"_What's that_?" He asked me. It's strange. My face grew hot when I looked at the picture as well.  
"_It's us._"  
He smiled at me.  
I wondered why my face grew hotter.  
Do you know why, future self?

_**16**__**th**__** February.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
She didn't come. I waited all day. Sora stayed with me.  
He kept looking at me with a weird expression on his face. The same when he said '_I'm sorry_' yesterday.  
I wondered what it meant. The expression. And the fact that Mummy wasn't here yet and it was five in the afternoon.  
"_Why do you keep on looking at me like that_?" I asked finally.  
"_Like what_?"  
"_With that expression._"  
"_What? This?_" He put on the same expression.  
"_Yes._"  
"_I feel sorry for you._" He said to me. The expression hadn't gone.  
"_Why_?" It was a simple word. But he took a while to answer. He looked away.  
"_She's not coming_."  
I was angry that he said that. "_Yes she is_! _You just wait and see_!"  
His face told me he didn't believe me.  
"_Just… give her more time_!" I said.  
He looked at his watch. "_Chief, if you hadn't already noticed. We've given her six hours to show up._"  
"_Then one more can't hurt_!"  
He shook his head. "_Chief…_"  
I spoke over him. "_Please, Coach, I believe in her. Why can't you_?"  
"_I know what it means when they say they've gone to sleep, Chief. She won't come. She can't._"  
"_All she has to do is open her eyes_!"  
"_**You**__ are the one that needs to open your eyes._"  
I stared at him. "_But they __**are**__ open…_"  
He gave a small smile. It was a sad smile. "_I meant it figuratively…_"  
I decided not to ask him what 'figuratively' means. "_Chief… I'm not stupid, you know._" He said.  
"_Coulda fooled me._"  
He laughed quietly. "_Seriously… look._" He pointed at the clock. "_What does it tell you_?"  
"_It's five o'clock._"  
"_And at what time could your mummy have come_?"  
"_Eleven…_"  
"_So you're telling me it takes her six hours to get to you_? _Chief, if she really cared and wanted you back, she would have been here sooner. That's if she __**could **__get here at all._"  
"_What are you saying, Coach_?" I was getting a bad feeling about this.  
"_She's gone, Chief…_" There it was again, the expression. "_Gone._"  
"_Gone_?" I said quietly. He hugged me.  
"_But she's already here, Chief, she was here ages ago._"  
"_I don't understand_." He pulled away and placed a hand on my chest.  
"_She's right here. Inside you. Inside your heart. She's gone, but she'll never leave you, Chief._"  
"_Can she touch me too_?" I asked him. He looked confused by my question.  
"_No… why do you ask_?"  
"_So she can't hurt me, if she wanted to_?"  
"_No. She can't._" He was speaking quietly. I smiled. I hugged him, resting my head against his chest. I could feel his heartbeat.  
"_Is yours here too_?"  
"_Yeah… yeah, she is._"  
So I guess it wasn't so bad after all. Mummy was gone. She wasn't coming for me. But I guess I can live with that.  
I was with Sora. I loved Mummy, even though she hurt me. Sora doesn't hurt me. I love him too.  
That was a long entry, but I wanted to get it all down.  
It's bed time. See you, future self.

_**17**__**th**__** February.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
School again. It was normal. Nothing happened.  
Miss Tilley said she was sorry to hear about Mummy.  
I don't know why she needs to apologize about hearing Mummy was gone. But I just nodded and smiled anyway.  
I played with Sora at the Orphanage. We pretended we were marooned on a deserted island, doing our best to survive.  
The tree house was our home. We ended up falling asleep in it. We stayed close, it was cold. The cold woke us again though.  
I wonder if I snore in my sleep.

_**22**__**nd**__** February.  
**_Dear My Future Self,  
Oh no.  
Oh no no no no no NO.  
It was adoption day today. I wasn't looking forward to today.  
Things were normal. I was happy. Miss Tilley and Sora were always there with me.  
I wasn't alone.  
Now I am.  
They took him. They took my Sora away. They adopted him.  
I hated them I hate them I HATE THEM!  
I hugged him goodbye. I didn't want to let him go. He's my Sora, MINE. But the lady here dragged me away.  
They didn't even tell me where they were taking him.  
I HATE THEM! The parents, the lady, even Mummy. It was another Mummy. I lost him like I lost Mummy.  
He's gone.  
But I believe my Sora will come for me. His eyes are still open, and so are mine.  
He'll come back for me, right, future self?  
Right?  
I'll see him again…  
Every night… I can't sleep again.  
I sit on my windowsill again.  
I hold my Teddy again.  
I watch the families… again.  
_Why can't I have someone like that_?  
I've found my someone now.  
"_I'll come back to you._" That's what he said to me. His arms around me. A smile on his face. "_I promise._"  
I smiled back.  
I'll find you again.  
"_I know you will_."

"**You're not invisible anymore,  
**_Just walk stright out of that front door...  
_**Take his hand. And soar,  
**Into the sky.  
**At some point we all die  
**_It's okay to cry  
_**Spread your wings. Fly up high.  
**Into that sky.  
**Just try..."**

* * *

**fin'.**

Eh? What is this? –looks around- no, really, .. what _is_ this? –looks at One-Shot ideas page, then at the final product- I… -sighs- you know, I really haven't got a fudging clue.  
Honest to God. One day I'm just looking at that good old One-Shot ideas word document, and I come across one saying 'songfic for 'Concrete Angel''… so I just looked at it, scratched my head, shrugged, and said, 'eh… what the heck'.  
And this is what I did?  
Where in the…  
Hm…  
And I did plan on writing the reunion… but things never turn out as planned, do they?  
Chyeah… I know _that _now. Whew. Okay. Right.  
Eh… hems… tell me what you think? O.O

**A **s_**toryteller**_** is I, now it ends we say **g_**oodbye**_**.**

**onlylotte.**


End file.
